All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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