how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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