i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
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