dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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