Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
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