I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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