your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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