My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Randomize
