There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
