Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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