Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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