sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
