Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
