So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Don't tell me you're on acid again
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
