Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
