did you get engaged???
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
