My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Small penises have feelings too.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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