weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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