I think im going to throw up on grandma
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
