i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I don't deserve a penis
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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