She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
