why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I deserve this hangover.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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