So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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