First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
