Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
