Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
