Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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