life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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