left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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