a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
