Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
