I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
