I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
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