i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
