I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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