I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
