I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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