i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
