apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
