nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
