Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
