News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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