proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
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