Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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