Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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