I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
