my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
