also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Randomize
