I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
