Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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