dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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