Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Im part way to drunk.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
