I'm going to rape someone's good day.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
