i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
