R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
we're so committed to being not committed
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
