On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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