i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
