Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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