What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
