I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
