he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
