I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
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