): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
