At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
