i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
