Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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