she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
