I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
