i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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