oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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