sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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