well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize