watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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