listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
