you guys were way drunker than both of me
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
