From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Couch. On fire.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Randomize
